Welcome to your slice of paradise in this move-in-ready townhome, complete with shiny new siding, fresh paint, and a vaulted great room with a gas fireplace perfect for pretending you’re free. But hold onto your wallet, because the HOA here runs the show like it’s their personal fiefdom. Step out of line by planting a daisy in that pristine 2x2-foot patch of grass they “mow” for a cool 25% of your mortgage? That’s a $300 fine, pal. Hang a towel on your balcony to dry? Prepare for a $150 citation and a strongly worded letter from Boomer Bob, HOA president for life. Miss a single line in their 50-page rulebook? Lawsuit city, baby. This is America, land of the free—unless you’re under the iron fist of this HOA, where every petty violation is a capital offense. Enjoy the eat-in kitchen, vaulted master suite, and the privilege of funding Karen’s power trip. Washer, dryer, all TVs, and a lifetime of HOA tyranny convey. Sign now, regret later!